


Welcome to the End Times

by morrig_von



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 22:37:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19186726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morrig_von/pseuds/morrig_von
Summary: Not long after preventing the Apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale find out there's another weapon hidden among humans, the one probably way more obedient than Adam Young. A weapon that Aziraphale used to take care of, but, to nobody's surprise, lost.





	Welcome to the End Times

**Author's Note:**

> Soo hello there!  
> This is my first fanfic written in English a n d the first one in "Good Omens" fandom, so I really hope you'll like it!
> 
> EDIT: I really don't know what's going on with the text formatting here, so if the text looks heccin ugly - that's not me, I swear!

Morning, sunshine.  
More like hello, darkness, my old friend.  
Alice stood at the very end of a very long queue, having very little interest in any kind of very exciting conversation that was taking place in front of her. Something about cigarettes, obviously. All the conversations here began or ended with cigarettes. Even if at the beginning the topic seemed quite impossible to be in any way connected to cigarettes… well, if you thought so, you were wrong. Or you clearly haven’t been blessed with the glorious gift of spending your worthless time in a psychiatric hospital.  
Maurice started laughing, as he did every morning exactly on seven thirty one. He found the number amusing for some reason. Jenny looked at him like he was an extraordinarily ugly cockroach and proceeded to the nurses’ duty office to get her dose of pills.  
Alice sighed. Another day, another bitter swallow supposed to make her sane. Ish.  
Not that she didn’t like taking her meds, God forbid. The first time she took them, yes, she felt terrible. Like they were doing the exact opposite of their job of blocking her hallucinations. But with time she got used to it and stopped stressing about it. At least The Man gave up haunting her.  
She took a plastic cup from the really-not-nice-looking nurse and obediently swallowed all three pills at once. The lady nodded at her, and she sticked out her tongue to prove she actually did what she had to do.  
Amazing. Now breakfast. Or that thing they called breakfast in here.  
She took her place in another queue that was also, yeah you guessed it, very long.  
And then. The tragedy happened. The peace and calmness of her inner world was brutally ripped and shattered into pieces, boiled, freezed and turned upside down full three times.  
Charles.  
”Morning, Alice!” he roared. Not that he was standing right next to her.  
For a solid moment she believed that he will disappear if she ignores him, but she also knew that, sadly, her hope’s not going to live longer than said moment.  
”Hi, Charles”.  
”How’s your day?” He was so excited. He was excited with everything. Even when he got hit by The Weird Guy (whom no one apart from doctors knew the name of, and the doctors were not allowed to tell anybody because the secret was supposed to be a part of his therapy) a few months ago, he was as thrilled as if he won a lottery.  
”Just began. Ask me in twelve hours.”  
He laughed. Or rather howled.  
”You’re the most hilarious person in here. I hope you never leave.”  
”Thanks. I hope I’ll leave one day though.”  
He shrugged. The best sign of indifference you could get from him.  
She got her breakfast and moved towards the nearest table as fast as she could to not look suspicious. She prayed he’ll find another victim to talk his lungs out to.  
Guess what? Her prayers went unnoticed.  
He went off like a rocket. The words started flowing out of him like an ultimate and final flood on doomsday. He only did rare breaks to inhale, the few moments of silence she tried to grasp like she was actually drowning in that flood.  
Alice didn’t pay attention to any word he said form the very beginning, to be honest. She knew his favored topics form the days when she was new here and tried to be nice and polite. So, there were only four possibilities:  
A) The Illuminati (and their journey to power with a grand help of the cast of ”The Office”)  
B) Bushbabies  
C) Celine Dion  
D) Apocalypse  
Considering the events from half a year ago, when, according to the bits of news they were allowed to watch, the world was actually about to end, the possibility of this topic coming to the surface grew by one hundred and twenty five percent.  
She tried to focus on her breakfast but soon realised that was not the best idea she could get. Not when she already felt pretty sick. She needed something else to wrap her mind around.  
Here it is! Abba.  
Or the lack of it.  
So, in this particular mental hospital there was a tradition, and this tradition was Abba. Every day from seven to twelve the cd player was on, gracing the patients with always the same Abba album.  
And today, there was no Abba.  
If Alice had any instincts left, they would probably start roaring that something is not okay. You know, something like the head nurse dying or the doctors deciding to just kill them all and get some holiday.  
But after two years in this very peculiar environment, she had no instincts like this at all, so she just started to make out the difference through the noise of people talking, yelling and eating.  
It took her a minute to recognize the voice.  
Freddie. Oh God.  
She suddenly felt a bit less of a pitiful, sorry ass she usually felt like.  
Forcing the last two of her brain cells to work, she quickly made out the song as well.  
I’m going slightly mad.  
Alice really wanted to know if she should laugh or feel offended.  
”Alice? You listening?”  
Uh oh. Someone got impatient.  
Alright then. Desperate times call for desperate measures.  
Alice studied the room in search for somebody of medical staff that did not like her. Indifferent Nurse, Bored Volunteer Number Seven, a group of medical students, a new doctor (probably the one that ended the reign of Abba)…  
There he was. Doctor Memphis. The most hateful creature that has ever dipped its claws in poor, innocent soil of planet Earth.  
She cracked her knuckles.  
And so the show begins.  
”MARVIN” she bellowed with as much enthusiasm and happiness as she could muster, while looking into an empty space on her left. ”Marvin, my friend, where have you been?”  
Stop. Freeze frame. For your information: Marvin was Alice’s imaginary friend she had as a child, not one of her hallucinations, as you might have thought. But, well. The doctors didn’t know it, so she might as well use him as her bait to get what she wants, that is: isolation room.  
Alice made a dramatic break to make everybody believe she’s carefully listening to what her Good Old Friend Marvin has to say.  
”No way”, she gasped. ”Shut up.”  
Another break. She noticed Doctor Evil Incarnate coming in her direction with a few volunteers at his side.  
”Marvin, dear, I told you. I can’t just get rid of him. It would be rude. And I would go to prison.”  
Ah yes, death threats. A bait-king of all the baits.  
Sometimes she wondered how do they always fall for that. She was faking her hallucinations without trying too hard, and yet it almost always worked. Maybe they were so scared of having a schizophrenic patient throwing a tantrum in a room full of people that they preferred not to risk at all.  
Of course, her dramatic performance couldn’t end here. The Show must go on, right?  
”Excuse me, Alice”, Evil Incarnate said. ”I’m afraid we have to go.”  
”Excuse you, Doctor. I am having a conversation here.”  
The very moment the volunteers grasped her arms she began kicking and yelling. At some point she even bit one of them.  
They pushed her into isolation room number six and closed the door immediately. She yelled insults at them, their mothers and mothers of their mothers for a few more seconds. Then she stopped and smiled to herself. ”Idiots”, she muttered, still facing the door covered in soft, delicate fabric.  
Alice turned around, very happy and proud of herself, and screamed.  
In front of her, dressed all in white, stood The Man.  
”Don’t- please don’t- Alice, calm down”, he said with a calming voice. ”It’s alright.”  
”It’s what? For hell’s sake, get out of my head! I took my pills!”  
”Yes you did, and I’m very proud of you, but I’m afraid you were taking them for nothing. You’re completely sane.”  
She barked a laugh that was way less stable and convincing than she wanted it to be.  
”I see you. That means my pills are not working. You’re not real!”  
”Oh, I beg your pardon, I am more than sure that I am completely real.”  
”Prove it”, she hissed, close to crying.  
The Man smiled brightly and clapped his hands.  
At this moment, Alice got hit by the door, which somebody decided to open with full force.  
”Anthony J. Crowley MD PhD to the rescue”, said that new doctor, walking past her and taking his spot next to The Man. Oh no no no, this was getting worse and worse. „You’re going out, disbeliever.”  
She should have known he was not real as well. Who the hell wears sunglasses indoors?  
With this thought, she did the most convenient thing she could do at this moment: passed out.


End file.
